Sandy Deare-Robinson is unique in her role at Nonotuck, serving both as a longtime, celebrated employee (she's Program Director for Community Based Day Services in the Berkshires) and a shared living caregiver. Sandy has shared a home with Amanda Jo Benoit for 14 years, an arrangement that started on a fateful Thanksgiving eve and has blossomed since.
We recently sat down with Sandy to discuss both her unique role at Nonotuck, as well as her long standing and deep connection with Amanda.
I started in the Bronx, NY, when I had my daughter. When she was 2 months old, {I left}. I didn’t want to raise a kid in NYC; it wasn’t something I wanted for her. I came to Pittsfield, MA - I’ve been here for 24 years. It was the best place to raise my kids, and Nonotuck was the best place to work and help me raise my kids. The company cared about us as parents.
I was a single mom then, caring about single moms, moms in general. Everything worked; they valued what I had in my life, my family life as well. Angela (Procopio-Rahilly, Executive VP of Operations), knew my kids - not many bosses know your children. I knew hers. I was living on Robbins Avenue in Pittsfield. Later moved to Appleton Ave, I was living there for 2 month before Amanda came in November 2009.
She found herself in a difficult situation, placed in a respite home without a day program. Her job wouldn't allow her to work, or there was some issue. They asked me to take over her day program. About a month later, she found herself in need of a shared living home; her existing situation wasn't working out and was simply bad. She was dropped off at a DDS office, and the provider wasn't bringing her back, treating it as a form of punishment. They reached out to me asking if I could take Amanda in for respite. This happened on Thanksgiving eve, while I was outside shopping preparing to have over 50 people in my house I received the call about Amanda. I said “Absolutely, as long as she was ok with the Holiday festivities.”
If you saw her that day, she was dancing with not a care in the world. That was a special time, and she decided to stay. She opened up my kids to what I actually do during the day, and they absolutely loved her.
She even played a significant role in my wedding as a bridesmaid, stealing the show. Our connection blossomed from there; we developed trust and understanding. Amanda has a heart of gold. Our relationship has been meaningful, navigating through hardships and sickness together. She loves my kids Malyah and Craig, and my son is one of her best friends. She lights up when he comes home from school, and cried when he went to college, just like I did. Now she's an Auntie with the arrival of my daughter’s little baby boy Omavi, she's incredibly excited about that.
You're entering one of the most meaningful aspects of your life—opening up and sharing your heart, embracing vulnerability. It's about accepting someone as a friend, an extended family member. In your home you're not just working; you're also revealing a part of yourself, accepting others for who they are and embracing your own identity while embracing theirs. Choosing to give your heart to someone with different abilities looking and living through their lives as they live in yours, to see people grow from limitations that have been set upon them and fully blossom. Being fulfilled in observing people become independent in life skills, going to the bank, scheduling appointments, going on trips, attending recreational events, spending time with peoples’ friends and families, making dinner or lunch or going out to dine, making purchases etc., etc. Being a part of their communities, watching each other’s personal relationships blossom, seeing how people connect with their family and yours. Sharing your home is not only rewarding to the household, but to the community as a whole.
Being vulnerable is a crucial element in any relationship. It's about showing love without fear and being open to acknowledging someone else's imperfections. It's an incredibly fulfilling position. Over the years, I've encouraged a few friends, family members, and people I know to become shared living providers. The experience is profoundly meaningful as you share your life with someone from a different background who is seeking love. They, in turn, are eager to reciprocate that love if you're open to it. It transforms into an extended family dynamic or having a roommate who brings a different perspective. Love and connection are universal needs, transcending any labels we may have on paper. These shared connections involve more than just emotions—they extend to practical aspects like cooking for each other or helping with household tasks.
For me, shared living is akin to extending your family, especially considering the duration of my involvement. It's like bringing home a brother, a sister, or a friend, and over time, that person becomes one of your best friends. The bond formed through shared living goes beyond the conventional definitions of family, creating a unique and fulfilling dynamic in life.
Learn how Nonotuck developed a love-based ideology of care. We started our shared living program as an alternative to group homes for people with disabilities. Instead, Shared Living creates genuine life transformation for people with disabilities, as well as families and communities. The true power of caregiving is found through hospitality, authenticity, and love.
